Compilation of Final Fnatasy VII CRAZINESS!
by Sabby-Sama
Summary: Reno's one and only fear, the adventures of Denzel and his baking skills, Tifa's fiesty mouth and more crazy plots from the characters you know and love! These stories are guaranteed to have you laughing along or at them! Consisting of Oneshots/drabble
1. Silly Fears

Hey Everyone, Sabby-Sama here! This is my first FanFic ever! HUZZAH! I decided to kick this series of Drabbles/Oneshots with something nice and long. Stay tuned for the next Chapter! I'll do my very best to update A.S.A.P! I got the idea for this FanFic while eating TacoBell with a friend, actually. Some weird inspiration, eh? Well here is it! Enjoy and Review please!

**Over and out!;;**

**- Sabby-Sama **

**c:**

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><p>Warnings: Language, Slight OOC-ness?<p>

Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything having to do with Final Fantasy.

SILLY FEARS

October 31st.

Halloween. The time for children to go door to door getting candy from strangers in their neighborhood. On this day the memberes from AVALANCHE and a couple of Turks decided to have some fun on this night, it all started with an idea from Cloud.

"Hey Guys, how about we have some fun on Halloween?" Cloud, the stoic blonde in the group randomley asked the other AVALANCHE members one night in 7th Heaven. This question intruged the others, wanting to know what Cloud had in mind. "What are ya thinking of, yo?" Reno, the redheaded Turk asked out rudely.

"I know of a good Haunted House just inside of Midgar. " The blonde replied. "A 'course the emo muffin knows of a Haunted House." mumbled Cid in his southern accent, the gruff pilot while taking a sip of his drink. Tifa rolled her eyes. She really didn't understand why everyone thought of Cloud this way. He...just wasn't one to be good with emotions is all.

"OOOOOOH! That sounds really fun! Lets go!" Yuffie the energetic Wataian girl nearly screeched. " 'Ey! Quite yer banshee screamin' ya brat!" Cid whined in pained while Barret nodded in agreement rubbing his temples. "You might get scared cause of all the people dressed up scarily!" Yuffie pouted and stuck her tongue out at Cid. "Ain't intrested." was his reply to Yuffie while the vulgar Reno and Rude snickered. "Anyway, whose up for it?" Cloud said trying to avoid a fight from happening. Everyone cheered for the Haunted House except for Vincent who stood against a wall, arms crossed and just shrugged.

-Later-

Everyone was lined up outside of the Haunted House, tickets in hand. Once they were let into the house of horrors they had to pair up as was the rules. Cid paired up with Barret, Reno with Rude, Yuffie with Vincent, and Tifa and Cloud with Denzel and Marlene. Originally, this was a day planned only for the adults but Marlene and Denzel were so stubborn to tag along. After many hissy fit's, tears and, 'you don't love me!' 's later, Tifa and Cloud finally gave in to letting the kids come with them. Actually, Tifa stood her ground not wanting the kids to come because they were too young and might get scared but Cloud talked her into it. But now, Tifa realized how much fun this was going to be since she would be pairing up with her "family". Vincent on the other hand wasn't as happy to be forced into going into the house with Yuffie as a partner. She followed him around all day as it is! It all started when Yuffie giddily skipped up to him outside of the Haunted House.

He just knew something bad was going to happen when he saw her cheeky smile. "Vinny~" Yuffie said as she snuggled against Vincents arm. Vincent looked down at her with cold red eyes. "You should pair up with me since you can protect me from all the big bad monsters and boogeymen." Ugh, Yuffie was such a child.

"You can do that, right, Vinnie-Winnie? For me?"

How Vincent loathed the nicknames Yuffie gave him. Vincent sighed and shrugged. He knew he wasn't going to get out of this situation. Yuffie jumped up and down excitidly as if she jsut drank 19 energy drinks. The ecstatic little ninja grabed Vincent by his right hand and dragged him to the entrance of the House. Poor Vincent was still confused about how people found joy in other people pretending to be monsters to scare them. He pondered this as he was dragged away. When Reno saw Cid and Barret willingly team up together, he laughed out loudly, "How gay is that?" He asked hystericly, tears forming in his eyes. Barret glared at him with a passion to shove his machine gun up Reno's ass and fire it. Cid decided to defended himself verbally.

"Shut yer trap, Ginger! It ain't much better when your partnerin' up with Rude there! I'm startin' ta think yer the gays with how yer always up each others asses!" Reno stopped laughing and narrowed his eyebrows at Cid, eyes blazing "Shut the hell up, yo! Me and Rude are friends who've been threw thick 'nd thin!" Cid snorted "Friends with benefits is more like it." Reno went into a frenzy. "Oh, that's it, redneck!"

Reno screeched as he lunged at Cid. Eventually the fight was broken up by everyone else except Cloud, the blonde that he was looked on at them confused. "Can't anyone here for 10 minutes not kill eachother?" The angry voice came from Mama-Tifa. She was always protective about everyone in the group and hated disputes among them. "Now lets get inside the house before we all get banned and are never alowed to come back again!" Tifa angrily roared, hands on her hips as everyone quickly shut up and stayed that way.

Once inside the Haunted House the pairs broke off into different directions. Reno and Rude walked down a hallway to the left and passed by different scary scenes that took place in the houses bedrooms. One was of an excorcist and a possesed girl and another was of a mad scientist covered in blood. Reno grinned as he strut down the hallways with Rude. "I ain't scared of no ghosts! Cause I'm a Turk, yo!" But that will soon change... (A/N:MWAHAHAHA! 8D) After going through different twists and turns, rooms, and climbing stair cases, Reno linked arms with Rude.

"Ya know what this kinda feels like?" Reno asked looking at Rude with mischief in his eyes. "Hmm?" Rude grunted, half-guessing what the answer was going to be. "It feels like our first date!" Reno said in a failed high pitched girl voice. He let go of Rude's arm and covered his face with a hand, the other fidgeting with the bottom hem of his dress shirt imitating a blushing, eye-lash-batting embarrased girl on his (hir?) first date. Reno made an ugly girl. Rude rolled his eyes and thumped Reno in the back of the head. Hard. He asked Reno in his deep voice, "And Cids the pansy?" Reno huffed and crossed his arms, continuing to walk ahead of Rude, looking a bit like a miffed Tifa.

_**The sad thing is**_**, **Rude thought, _**Was that I knew what he was going to say. Tsengs been giving me too many hours with Reno at work. Time for me to use my sick days...**_ Rude sighed and face-palmed. The bald headed man eventually picked up his pace to be even with the redhead and a screech peirced the air. Rudes head snapped in Reno's direction, eyes widening when he realized the sounds came from Reno! The slimmer Turk looked up to his buff friend with mock horror, but than his expression melted into one of mock relief. Reno sighed, closing his eyes and putting his hand on his heart.

"Phew! It's just you, Rude! You scared the shirt outta me for a minute. Almost gave me a heart attack, yo!" Rude once again rolled his eyes for what seemed like the 100th time that night. "If only." the dark skinned Turk replied with an emotion-less voice while his "friend" Reno looked up at him with real hurt in his eyes. "What?" Rude replied when he felt the aqua eyed man staring at him. "I was just kidding." The other man 'Hmph-ed!' and started walking a bit faster again. Reno yelled out to Rude who was still behind him,"Yo, how do you see in here with those damn shades? It's already so dark in here! I'm startin' to think you don't have eyes behind those things." Rude ignored him and kept walking.

At the end of the hall was a door slightly ajar. The duo looked at each other briefly and shrugged. Reno stood there stiffly waiting for Rude to open the door completely.

"C'mon Rude, open it, yo!" Reno exclaimed nervously. "The bald headed Turk raised an eyebrow at the lanky Turk next to him. "Scared, Reno?" Reno looked up to the taller man. "What? No! Hell No!" Rude smiled evily and said, "Than open the damn door." Reno looked back and forth between Rude and the doorknob a good 20 times before he shook his head angrily to get rid of his fears and reached out for the doorknob shakily. Rude noticed the nervous sweat on Reno's pale forehead. A messed up idea came to Rude's head.

He leaned down to the shorter Turks height and whispered a soft 'Boo' in his ear. The redhead jumped so much at Rudes voice he nearly touched the high victorian ceilings of the Haunted House. Rude chuckled. "Your a douche filled jerk, ya know that?" Reno yelled shakily, on the verge of tears to Rude. He was gonna have to get back at him for this. "Oh, I know. You tell me all the time." Rude chuckled again. Reno ignored him to have a stare down at the still slightly opened door. He squinted at it angrily, as if it would disappear from his cold stare. He took a deep breath and once again reached out for the doorhandle, quickly yanking it open like someone would do with a band-aid to get the pain over with.

From behind the door, A psychotic clown with Joker-like makeup, an untaimed red wig and a knife covered in fake blood emerged shouting some scary nonsence. Somewhere along the lines of "BLARGHARBLAAH! I'M GONNA EAT YOU IN A HUMAN STEEEEEW~." That's when Reno practically shit a brick, his eyes were wide open as his back went stiff. He finally came to had common sense for the first time in his life and slammed the door back on the pedophilic clown's face. Reno dropped to the ground in a ball and started crying his eyes out. "CLOOOOOOWN!" Reno gurgled from behind his crying hiccups. "S-SCARED. SHITLESS O-OF 'EM, Y-Y-YO!"

Rude was shocked. At this point in time he did know if he wanted to laugh until his kidneys shot out of his nose from snorting, or if he wanted to join Reno in his crying-spree. The second thought was way out of the league. He was a Turk! One of the biggest and badest of Shinra! Instead he decided to stand there akwardly, staring down at Reno through his sungalsses until the redhead got a hold of him self and stopped crying. Once recovered, Rude started cracking jokes. "Are you sure your not related to that clown? You both had the same hair...And face." Reno wiping tears from his face shot his most deadly glare at his supposed friend. "There is no way in hell am I realted to that freakin' Ronald Mc'Donald, yo!" Reno once again walked away briskly still shaking from the ecounter. Reno looked over his shoulder and shouted "Atleast I got some hair, yo! Why don'tcha get a man wig ya bald ass!"

_**Seems like Renos's going to drink away this night once he gets back to 7th Heaven. This is the best Halloween ever! , **_Rude thought while grinning.

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><p>Hello again! It's me. (Who else?) Hope you guys enjoyed it and split some ribs laughing!<p>

Review please, and Feedback is highly welcomed!


	2. Denzel: BAKER EXTRAORDINAIRE!

Denzel : BAKER EXTRAORDINAIRE!

"Kids! " Tifa shouted up to the second floor living area of the bar. "Come down stairs to the kitchen!"

The dark haired women hurried back to the kitchen and smiled when two young children ran in looking in awe at the items that covered the counters in the kitchen. "What's all this for?" Denzel asked with a confused look in his blue eyes.

"Well, I was thinking that since Cloud will be back home soon, we should bake him some treats to welcome him back!" The woman exclaimed cheerfully while watching the young children's faces lighten in glee.

~~~~45 Minutes later~~~~

"COME ON! MIX THAT BATTER! CLOUD WILL BE BACK SOON AND NOTHING IS FINISHED!" Tifa was marching back and forth in the kitchen yelling out orders like a General.

"I'm not so excited about this idea anymore, Denzel..." Marlene whispered to Denzel, "Tifa's going nuts!" Denzel nodded quickly, while stirring his batter like an overactive chocobo...that had hands. The children were scrambling about, trying to finish their creations. They heard the front door open and heard Cloud walk into the kitchen searching for them. "SURPRISE!" The three of them yelled, grinning as shock overtook the usually very stoic, distant man's face. "...What's going on?" Tifa, who returned to her old self smiled effectionatly at the blonde and said, "Denzel and Marlene baked some sweets for you after your long trip, all by themselves!"

Right on cue, the kids each brought out a plate with their homemade goodies on them. Marlene had made chocolate cookies, one of Clouds favorites, and Denzel made what appeared to be cupcakes that could be dangerous if eaten. While Tifa smiled down proudly at them, Cloud eyed Denzel's Mystery Cupcakes with suspicion.

"Well, are you gonna have a taste, instead of just standing there?" Marlene said with some sass while glaring at Cloud. "...Uhm, sure.." Doing the most obvious thing, Cloud reached out to grab one of Marlene's cookies first since they looked the most edible.

Cloud took a bite, chewed, and swallowed and made a facial expression that could pass as a smile...for Cloud, that is.

"These are great Marlene, thank you." The small girl with a braid hugged Cloud around the waist and nudged Denzel with her elbow. "H-Here..." Denzel offered a cupcake to his hero nervously. "Hope you like it, I worked sorta hard on it." The blonde man stared at the cupcake in his hand.

_**This looks like something that crawled out of Hojo's lab and died. Then got run over.**_ Cloud thought. He looked up at the small boy and slowly bit into the cupcake. The man held back a gag and swallowed the horrid cupcake bits and shakily smiled at the young boy who looked like he just got a puppy for Christmas. "Excuse me, gotta go to the bathroom." Cloud rushed up the stairs holding in the puke that theatened the polished wood floor.

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><p>Hope you enjoyed it! Review please! Feedback would also be awesome.<p>

~Sabby-Sama


	3. Comebacks

Come Backs

"Man, Tsengs working us to the bone, yo!" Reno, the lazy redhead collapsed on a booth in 7th Heaven, followed by his very opposite friend, Rude. "Maybe he wouldn't have given you all the work if you hadn't had nap-time in your office. How old are you, three?"

Reno stuck his tongue out at Rude for being such a jerk to his one and only friend, the oh-so great, Reno. "No thanks, I use toilet paper." Rude retorted, chuckling when Reno stared at him with a cross of disgust, hate, and a passion to wring his neck. "That's just sick. And not the good kind, yo!"

Just than Tifa walked up to their booth "Hey guys, what will it be this time?" Tifa, the owner-slash-waitress of 7th Heaven. "I don't really give a rat's ass, Everest Breasts. Just make it a strong drink" Reno replied sullenly, pissed off at Rude.

Tifa, who was appaled, thumped Reno on the back of his head "Hasn't you mother ever taught you manners?" Knowing Tifa, she was a pretty strong chick who tried to stay as calm as possible at all times, but... Tifa was yelling now, making all the other customers heads snap in her direction. Tifa was self conscious when it came to THOSE types of jokes...

"OUCH! Jesus, calm down, woman! What's wrong with you, are you a little retarded or something? No need to be yelling and abusing me, yo!" Reno yelled back clutching the back of his head while rocking back and forth.

Rude was in his own world, giggling like a school girl at Reno's pain. "I know you are, but what am I?" Tifa replied with her hands on her hips, sneering at Reno. Reno slowly looked up at Tifa with a huge grin on his face, forgetting about the injury to his skull that protected his puny brain.

"Did you just say 'I know you are but what am I?' Your so lame!" Reno burst out into hysterics, and so did all the other customers in the bar, especially Rude. "Yo, Where do ya get ya comebacks from, Teefs? Denzel or Marlene?" Reno sputtered in between breaths.

"I got them from your mom!" At this point in time everyone was laughing at Reno instead, a round of 'Oooohs.' and 'you just got dissed!''s going on in the bar. "What'd ya just say?" Reno stopped laughing and threw a deathly glare at Tifa gripping the table to restrain himself and his fiery temper.

Tifa stood there with a victorious smile. "You heard me, you Ginger!" The place ERUPTED in laughter, most of it coming from Rude and his deep laughs. Reno's face turned red like his ginger-y hair in embarrasment. " Ya know what, I'm leaving this joint, Yo! Let's go, Rude." The humiliated redhead rose from his seat and strut to the exit, trying to retain some of his dignity. "I think I'll stay here with Tifa for a bit." Rude replied giving Tifa a high five. "Traitor." Reno muttered sourly as he left.

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><p>Review please! Feedback is also highly appreciated! The more reviews I'll get the more I'll continue on this. :3<p>

~Sabby-Sama


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